ezra

EZRA CROW ILLUSTRATION /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// EST 2008
2

the first of many -inities…

behold the alpha! the first of many incredible posts on my most splendiferous of blogs — which, dare i say, will be truly epic… nay, legendary. el primero in what is to be a veritable plethorific collection of spine-tingling, booty-shake-inducing, truly astounding bloggery (that is correct, i make up words).

now that i have tired you with superlatives, i find myself in an uncomfortable, untenable position, i confess that am afflicted with a horrible case of creative constipation…

so… what follows will be an excerpt of some short story i wrote many years ago, in my oh so callow youth. it’s like watching paint dry. enjoy.

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    FUTURE

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    + pithy reviews |chronological :
    + arbitrarily rated on a 5pt scale,
    (!) denotes an old friend

    • john irving : the world according to garp *
    • raymond chandler : the big sleep
    • neil gaiman : american gods
    • chuck palahniuk : lullaby
      4.1 - do you want to read something by UpChuck that will prolapse the shit-specked colon of your mind?
      Read GUTS.
    • scott lynch : red seas under red skies
      4.0 - a long interlude with sparse development of primaries, more of an apéritif. laughed aloud once; a bark from the center of the world that petered off in a death-rattle chuckle followed by a shake of the head. orrin fucking ravelle. adventure at sea decidedly un-O'Brian-esque (not a horrible thing) -- more egregious is one painfully formulaic and disposable relationship; it shows Lynch's hand early ergo leading to a dreadfully predictable climax and denouement (aside from one smirk-a-licious tweak of the nose). all in all, still smashing good fun.
    • scott lynch : the lies of locke lamora
      4.5 - four point five pounds of flesh. not as insane as mieville's mutation of dickensian london, but readily fills an empty hole in my soul -- one which steadily increases in size the longer a dance with dragons languishes in the purgatory of martin's mind. oh, to be a gentleman's bastard...
    • yann martel : life of pi
      4.1 - an allegorical tale that may very well be as "original" as harry potter. an increasingly existential calvin & a progressively high-on-id hobbes adrift; fitting considering the seemingly pedantic overture. no doubt something different is taken and kept by each of us, thus worth your time.
    • edgar rice burroughs : tarzan of the apes
      2.1 - i went to the used bookstore in search of mars and found the jungle. evidence of burrough's southern upbringing is . . . dated. otherwise, prose is endearing in a pulpy way.
      "When the long knife drank deep a dozen times of Terkoz' heart's blood, and the great carcass rolled lifeless upon the ground, it was a primeval woman who sprang forward with outstretched arms toward the primeval man who had fought for her and won her. And Tarzan? He did what no red-blooded man needs lessons in doing. He took his woman in his arms and smothered her upturned, panting lips with kisses. For a moment Jane Porter lay there with half-closed eyes. For a moment - the first in her young life - she knew the meaning of love."
      O_o . . . be still my trembling heart. from kipling, burroughs borrowed; and from burroughs, auel plagiarized. oh jondalar, ayla love you.
      fun fact #178: jane goodall thinks she would make a much better spouse for tarzan than her namesake.
    • sara gruen : water for elephants
      3.9 - errs in being a bit albom-esque. i confess to cravings for a darker telling.
    • (!) katherine paterson : bridge to terabithia
      4.7 - tears for leslie burke & lisa hill.
    • anthony bourdain : the nasty bits
      4.2 - Kitchen Confidential is PRO -- this is a collection of anecdotes: director's cuts / behind the scenes commentary of his various exploits on No Reservations, some journalistic work, and a modicum of KC rehash. High points include: Ferran Adrià's El Bulli, Masa, and Tony's love affair with Vietnam.
    • china mieville : looking for jake
      3.5 - it was like watching an old man sit on a stool while a young attractive woman knit a sweater out of his excessively long and yarn-like beard. not earth shattering by any means, a bit boring at times, and yet slightly fucked up enough to pique my curiosity. by the end, she had a half-knit turtleneck with what seemed to be five sleeves.
    • (!)china mieville : the scar
      5.0 - they had me at avanc ;) no, i loved it in its entirety.
    • (!)china mieville : perdido street station
      4.9 - xenophobes need not apply.
    • haruki murakami : the elephant vanishes
      4.0 - plane to NY, interrupted numerous times by my neighbor the aviophobe, Captain Valium. he regaled me with sordid backstage anecdotes about the Sex Pistols and decried the rise of grunge in the 90s. CV finally went to sleep halfway through our alloted time together in purgatory, resting his moppish hair on my shoulder. i'll give this collection another go, some other time.
    • haruki murakami : kafka by the shore
      4.4 - it is like walking down a familiar street and suddenly the ground beneath you is made of clouds and you realize that you are in a dream; one that is not particularly pleasant or titillating, but very comfortable and exceedingly existential.
    • (!) natsuo kirino : out
      5.0 - twistingly, achingly beautiful.